The end is always a bittersweet moment. You get sucked in with the overall feeling of relief and happiness to start, but then the sadness kicks in. It is easier to imagine being happy that sad. People say happiness is the strongest emotion. Sure you might think about happiness more often, but sadness is a deeper more emotionally connected feeling than happiness could ever be. Sadness creeps up on and attacks you in surprising ways. It comes out of the shadows and feasts on the darkness in a person, a darkness many people might not realize possesses them. Happiness just lives on the surface, that’s why everyday, people can put on fake smiles and get away with it, the idea doesn't have to go deep. People walk the streets with polite smiles just trying to suppress the darkness rising inside. How you may ask, does this connect with the end. Sadness needs a reason, it has a valve of sorts and one must open the faucet to let the darkness out. The end is something allows that to happen, the faucet is quickly opened but slammed shut….but not fully, this faucet is now a leaking tap, the darkness slowly dripping out, muddling emotions. You feel happy, but there is this nagging underlying thought of should I feel sad? Sadness needs more of an excuse, the faucet drips slowly , thoughts formulating in the mind. These conflicting emotions battle but in the end the darkness always wins.The faucet breaks open and the tears start to flow. For a moment the battle advances, but there is a clear winner. The darkness always wins. And then you are sad. You are hugging and crying streams that seem like they will never end. The thoughts about what will happen next, the last hellos, the last goodbyes. But what comes last, the deepest darkest part of the soul sneaks it’s way in, the regrets. The thought that you could have done something else, something better, forgiven someone, talked to someone, told someone you love them...These are things that haunt you well after the sink has been drained and the tap fixed. These regrets stick around and change a person. The darkness is now forever present, forever there. But it can be covered up. A fake smile, a polite laugh, it’s easy trick yourself into being happy, possibly fool yourself into forgetting the reason for the darkness to begin with. But, when you are alone, or that faucet is opened again it all pours out twice as fast. In the end, the darkness always wins. Always wins.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
June 6th, 2014
The end is always a bittersweet moment. You get sucked in with the overall feeling of relief and happiness to start, but then the sadness kicks in. It is easier to imagine being happy that sad. People say happiness is the strongest emotion. Sure you might think about happiness more often, but sadness is a deeper more emotionally connected feeling than happiness could ever be. Sadness creeps up on and attacks you in surprising ways. It comes out of the shadows and feasts on the darkness in a person, a darkness many people might not realize possesses them. Happiness just lives on the surface, that’s why everyday, people can put on fake smiles and get away with it, the idea doesn't have to go deep. People walk the streets with polite smiles just trying to suppress the darkness rising inside. How you may ask, does this connect with the end. Sadness needs a reason, it has a valve of sorts and one must open the faucet to let the darkness out. The end is something allows that to happen, the faucet is quickly opened but slammed shut….but not fully, this faucet is now a leaking tap, the darkness slowly dripping out, muddling emotions. You feel happy, but there is this nagging underlying thought of should I feel sad? Sadness needs more of an excuse, the faucet drips slowly , thoughts formulating in the mind. These conflicting emotions battle but in the end the darkness always wins.The faucet breaks open and the tears start to flow. For a moment the battle advances, but there is a clear winner. The darkness always wins. And then you are sad. You are hugging and crying streams that seem like they will never end. The thoughts about what will happen next, the last hellos, the last goodbyes. But what comes last, the deepest darkest part of the soul sneaks it’s way in, the regrets. The thought that you could have done something else, something better, forgiven someone, talked to someone, told someone you love them...These are things that haunt you well after the sink has been drained and the tap fixed. These regrets stick around and change a person. The darkness is now forever present, forever there. But it can be covered up. A fake smile, a polite laugh, it’s easy trick yourself into being happy, possibly fool yourself into forgetting the reason for the darkness to begin with. But, when you are alone, or that faucet is opened again it all pours out twice as fast. In the end, the darkness always wins. Always wins.
Friday, March 30, 2012
March 30th, 2012
My Fucking Friends.
I love them all to bits, but they all are cause such idiotic drama over the stupidest, most non-significant things in the world. B has decided to completely ignore and 'leave' our group just because he thinks he is having an 'ignore the existence of' moment with Ly, though she has no recognition of that.
N is so fucking annoying and stuck-up, yet she and Ly have a weird connection so we have to put up with her.
I have a crush on B...I think or I might just miss him being normal. But I do know whenever he is ignoring me I feel terrible. Nothing's going to happen between us, or me and anyone actually , I have a feeling I am just going to grow old by fat self writing random blogs on the internet to absolutely no one.
I also have a crush on Eric, who is a year younger than me, and we used to talk a lot when we sat next to each other. When ever he waves at me outside of school I want to do some thing drastic like run up and hug him or proclaim my undying love for him, but I usually just give a small wave or sarcastic 'Hi', making me out to be a complete bitch. But I don't want to be a bitch to him I just want to know where he stands, and if he has a girlfriend or not....maybe I should get to know him better.....but I do know him I know a lot about him and his family,maybe hot just him. What ever I feel like crap right now and I hope that something good happens tomorrow, or I will be a miserable person.....but there will probably be more blogs if that is the case....
Goodnight
I love them all to bits, but they all are cause such idiotic drama over the stupidest, most non-significant things in the world. B has decided to completely ignore and 'leave' our group just because he thinks he is having an 'ignore the existence of' moment with Ly, though she has no recognition of that.
N is so fucking annoying and stuck-up, yet she and Ly have a weird connection so we have to put up with her.
I have a crush on B...I think or I might just miss him being normal. But I do know whenever he is ignoring me I feel terrible. Nothing's going to happen between us, or me and anyone actually , I have a feeling I am just going to grow old by fat self writing random blogs on the internet to absolutely no one.
I also have a crush on Eric, who is a year younger than me, and we used to talk a lot when we sat next to each other. When ever he waves at me outside of school I want to do some thing drastic like run up and hug him or proclaim my undying love for him, but I usually just give a small wave or sarcastic 'Hi', making me out to be a complete bitch. But I don't want to be a bitch to him I just want to know where he stands, and if he has a girlfriend or not....maybe I should get to know him better.....but I do know him I know a lot about him and his family,maybe hot just him. What ever I feel like crap right now and I hope that something good happens tomorrow, or I will be a miserable person.....but there will probably be more blogs if that is the case....
Goodnight
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